It was another bright
day in court. Counsels were all seated waiting for Her Lordship to majestically
take her place, up-there. Well, you should know the “up-there” if you are
legally minded. Adebayo Oyo, glanced at the file trying to familiarize himself
with the affidavit, and the exhibits so attached. The name of the deponent was
just one out of the world; and the averments were not making any sense too. How
can a deponent say: he is conversant with only ten percent of the facts of the case?
But there was no need thinking of an amendment. He was holding brief for
someone after all.
“Hah! Oil, on a cause
list?” Adebayo heard one of the lawyers at the front seat lamenting. He most
likely would be a senior at the bar. His wig was a testimony of that fact. His
gown was the definition of “ancient of days”. His hairs were grey of course,
and his shoes… nevermind.
“What oil is the
counsel talking about?” Adebayo managed to ask the lawyer sitting next to him.
“Oil from a soup,” he
whispered, “I mean oil from Egusi soup. The clerk must have swallowed some
garri very close to the cause list,” he added.
“What carelessness! So
the court room is now a restaurant?” asked Adebayo.
“He has resolved
informing the court when the matter begins,” said the other lawyer.
“Court……..!” one of the
court clerks said aloud.
The whole court was on
their feet as Her Lordship walked in. They all took their seat, as she sat down
as well. Soon, it was time to mention matters.
“Please, mention your
matters,” said the beautiful looking Judge. It was obvious she was admirable even
though she had a big mask on her face. She looked so much like Sub Zero with
the mask on her.
All three lawyers in
court turned to themselves; no one could make the move to mention his matter,
except the old lawyer, I mean, the old-looking lawyer.
“With the kind
permission of Her Lordship,” may I mention the last matter on the cause list?”
“Exactly. You will be
the last to mention your case, that is why yours is the last on the cause
list,” said Her Lordship.
“I don’t understand My
Lord,” the lawyer voiced his surprise.
“What colour of mask is
that?”
“Red, My Lord.”
“Is red the colour of a
lawyer?”
“Ummmm, Aunty Coro is
no respecter of colour. I just put on a mask, and that’s all”.
“That’s not all learned
counsel. The legal profession has some chosen colours. Your mask should be
those colours, or one of those colours at least.”
The other lawyer
immediately took his white mask and wore it. Adebayo was speechless; his was
worse, he had no mask.
“Hah! But mask is not
even part of our dress code na. Wahala be like bicycle,” the other lawyer who
had been quiet all the while, now whispered to himself.
“Yes. You are not part
of the profession,” Her Lordship said.
“My Lord, I am deeply
sorry, I had said that to myself, not knowing you heard it.”
“….Next…,” she said
aloud. She had called on another lawyer to call his matter.
Adebayo, quickly mentioned
his matter on the cause list and managed to move the motion. Well, he had
managed to do it without even wearing a mask. It was a punishment to the
old-looking lawyer, and his other colleague who said: wahala be like bicycle.
Adebayo dashed out of
the court room, giving his testimony to John, of how he mentioned his matter
before a senior simply because the senior wore a strange mask.
“Which senior?” asked
John.
“That one over there,”
said Adebayo, pointing his hand to the old-looking lawyer, the one with the rugged wig and gown
“Hah! You are three years’
post call, ain’t you?”
‘I am,” Adebayo replied.
“Then you are in order. You are two years older than that old-looking lawyer. He is just one year at
the day. His wig and gown are his elements of deceit, my friend. The other
lawyer is just two years at the bar. You are the most senior of th all,” said John.
“This profession sha! It
is this way: an old-looking lawyer may not be an old lawyer. Youngness at the
bar is not by one’s age, but post-call years. By the rules of the bar, a
90-years-old lawyer is a young lawyer if he is just one-year at the bar,” said
Adebayo.
“But I am more comfortable
calling the 90-year old a junior lawyer than a young lawyer,” said John.
Even as they tried
going out of the court premises to board a vehicle, Adebayo could hear the
voice from the court room saying: “Red is not the colour of the bar, you will
sleep here, counsel.”