(Photo credit: BBC)
"Ehn, go on, I am
listening," Iron Fist said as he listened keenly to Bro. Jazzy.
"As I was saying, I sat at
the front row with my wife -- the far left of the row to be precise. The tall
lady with a fair skin like that of a Greek goddess walked towards my direction
with the bag full of well-packaged grains".
"Well-packaged grains
should mean the rice shey?" asked Iron Fist twisting his curios eyes.
"Yes na," Jazzy
replied with a loud voice. “Kpompi na my guy, na explaination you dey give, no
be fight”. Iron Fist tried to calm Jazzy who was already ignited by anger.
Bro Jazzy took a deep breath and
continued. "She saw me ooo, but before I knew what was happening, she left
my own end and relocated to the right side like a tenant packing out of a
duplex for failure to pay his rent. She zoomed to the far right and started
sharing the rice."
"Hah, why na?"
exclaimed Augustine Big-shoe, alias Snake Bite, who had also been patiently
listening with Iron Fist by his side.
"Ask her," Jazzy responded.
"As if that wasn't enough she
shared the rice until, the moment it got to my turn, one slim dark looking lady
who has no flesh attached to her bones, gave an irritating whistling, and boom,
that was how the rice migrated to the back row. What nonsense," he
hammered bitterly."
"Hah, that kind thing dey
pain reach person bone ehn," Snake Bite added.
Snake Bite and Iron Fist, the
two bouncers from West Gyming Joint, who were invited to secure the wedding
ceremony both turned and focused on Madam Hope the accused. They wanted to hear
her side of the story. Their beastly looking appearance was so intimidating
that most invitees had to respect their humble self, by taking just one can of
the Malta Guinness drink each that was shared. Yes na, who wan find em teeth
for ground? If you do anyhow, you go see anyhow.
Initially, they were not hired
to the event to settle disputes, but there they were, playing the roles of
judges. No joy sha, but how dem go do? The supper story must continue sha! Na the
matter be that.
"Madam Hope, you don hear
watin the bros don yarn, uya tell us watin really happen. Because this guy
blood dey hot," said Iron Fist who was heavily built. Iron Fist's size was like
that of John Cena, but his chest was wide like that of Big Show. He looked so
scary with his red eyes -- ready to tear any obstacle apart. He wore no smile at
all as he listened to the narration of Hope.
"Bros, you too much. Me, I
no do this guy anything ooo. I bin dey for that side wey the niggas dem dey
before I come change mind, and move go the side wey the malee them dey. You know that kind thing na! Shey you dey feel
me?"
"I dey feel you wella, fire
down "replied Iron Fist.
"Omo, as I dey near the
bros na, nai em the rice come change mind oo. Say dem don tire for people to
dey chop dem anyhow. Shuoo, as I near bros the more na, na so only five plates
come take remain oo. That kind matter. Na so I take move go where the groom
club sisters them dey na. Shey you grap?," she explained.
"I grap sisterly, but who
tell you to go there na?" asked Snake Bite.
"Na Aunty Koi Koi na em ask
me to migrate to that side na. I gat obey the last command na.”
"But when e reach to share
pure water, you start with the bros, shey?" asked Snake Bite.
"I don forget say I never
give am rice na," she replied.
"That was wrong of
you," said Jazzy. "That was totally wrong. I have been there ever
since. You deliberately avoided me and attended to those whom you knew very
well. This is a public gathering, and you should treat everyone well".
"Bros na ontop rice you dey
para for me? Abi you no dey see rice for house chop? Abeg free me ooo! Na wah
to you ooo! Just because of small plate of rice na you wan bring down the wall
of Jericho?" Madam Hope said with a loud voice.
"You really are talking to
me that way? I don't blame you," Jazzy said as he headed towards the car
park.
"Babe, you harsh ooo,"
said Iron Fist.
"Why I no go para? All
those men wey no dey see food to chop for house. Na so them go dey look for
wedding and programs to dey attend every Saturday so that them go dey chop free
rice and meat."
Jazzy walked to the car park and
entered his white Hummer Jeep neatly packed at the car park. Iron Fist, Snake
Bite, and Hope steadily watched as he zoomed away. They all looked at
themselves in astonishment, realizing that he was the owner of the Hummer Jeep
they had all admired.
"So, na him even get that
fine motor na him wan cut my head because of small plate of rice?" asked
Hope.
"You really don't
understand," Joyce interrupted. Joyce had been patiently listening to the
conversation all through, but she had deliberately kept quiet for the right to
speak.
"You see. Some of the
people you see attend events are well-to-do. They eat good food at home, well
prepared with everything in it. But do you for once wonder why everyone seems
to be interested in that small plate of rice with small meat that you share to
them during events? There is something about the Event-Rice you must
understand. It may not be the best, but when given, it shows that those who
attended the event are welcomed. It shows that you have treated them well.
Sometimes, some invitees just take it home to give their children, and show
them that they didn't forget those at home. Yes, we cannot rule out the fact
that some persons get their stomach full with it. We should also understand
that foods served at events pass a message. They carry their unique taste.
Remember, the one who is serving is representing the celebrant, don't give the
invited guests a wrong impression by the way you handle the celebrants'
guests," she added and left immediately.
"Shey you dey hear? Every
rice for event dey pass a message," Iron Fist concluded.
(Always be conscious about who
serve your event-rice. That small grain always passes a message)
By Ebi Robert (aka: The Lord Of
Ink)
Note: Egberi is an ijaw word for
story or message. The title is translated “The Message Wedding-Rice (Event) carries.